29 Sep Courageous Conversations

Gloria Cotton, Senior Partner at inQuest and expert in HR and organizational development, sits down with Solveig Brown. In this insightful episode, Gloria shares valuable advice on navigating difficult conversations, addressing fear, and turning courageous conversations into meaningful action. With over 25 years of experience, Gloria’s expertise provides practical steps for leaders and individuals aiming to foster inclusive environments where everyone can thrive.

The Power of Acknowledging Fear

One of the key takeaways from Gloria’s conversation is the importance of confronting fear, which often holds people back from having courageous conversations. Here’s how she suggests addressing it:

• Acknowledge the fear: Understand that feeling discomfort or fear is normal. Don’t shy away from it.
• Identify the root: Take time to explore where the fear originates. Is it from past experiences, learned behaviors, or uncertainties about the future?
• Be respectfully curious: Instead of judging your emotions, approach them with curiosity. Ask, “What do I need to feel safe?”
• Plan action steps: After understanding your fear, create a plan for addressing the conversation while aligning with your values.

The Importance of Practice and Allies

Having a courageous conversation can be daunting, especially in the workplace. Gloria emphasizes the need to practice and find trusted allies:

• Practice makes progress: Just like learning any new skill, practicing difficult conversations helps. Rehearse what you want to say with a trusted friend or colleague.
• Find allies: Choose people who are respectful, non-judgmental, and who offer constructive feedback. These allies provide a safe space to express concerns and fears without feeling judged.
• Role-play with context: Gloria recommends practicing with someone who understands the dynamics of your situation, whether it’s with a manager, peer, or subordinate.

Addressing Workplace Power Differentials

Navigating conversations in different workplace hierarchies can be tricky. Whether speaking with a boss, peer, or direct report, Gloria advises:

• Leverage relationships: If you’re unsure how to approach someone higher up, find an ally who has a closer relationship with them.
• Maintain self-respect: Regardless of the power differential, ensure that your conversation honors both your own values and the needs of the other person.

Moving from Conversation to Action

After the conversation, it’s important to follow up with meaningful action. Gloria suggests:

• Understand the other person’s needs: Don’t assume you know what others need. Engage in open dialogue to clarify their expectations.
• Develop a strategic plan: Collaboratively create a plan to address the needs identified during the conversation. Make sure it’s actionable and sustainable.
• Acknowledge progress: Celebrate small wins along the way, and keep refining your approach as you gather feedback.

Negative Consequences of Avoiding Difficult Conversations

Gloria highlights the risks of not addressing issues early:

• Issues escalate: Problems don’t disappear when ignored; they often get worse and multiply.
• Breakdowns in trust: Failure to address concerns can lead to feelings of rejection or distrust, as people begin to fill in gaps with negative assumptions.

Tips for Up-and-Coming Leaders

Gloria leaves emerging leaders with the following advice:

• Slow down and ask more questions: Instead of rushing to solutions, take the time to ask thoughtful questions and listen to diverse perspectives.
• Build relationships and trust: Strong relationships are key to effective leadership. Surround yourself with a network of trusted individuals who can offer advice and support.
• Embrace interdependence: Leadership isn’t a solo act. Working together with others allows everyone to thrive and fosters an environment of inclusion and safety.

Final Thoughts: Lean Into Discomfort

Gloria closes by encouraging leaders and individuals alike to lean into discomfort with respectful curiosity. Facing fear head-on—without judgment—creates an environment where people can have courageous conversations that lead to real, lasting change.

About Gloria Cotton

Gloria Cotton is a Senior Partner at inQuest Consulting with over 25 years of experience in HR and organizational development. She works with corporate, nonprofit, and government entities to foster environments where everyone can excel. Gloria also hosts The Delicious Truth podcast, which explores diverse issues impacting everyday life.