How to Ask for What You Want

17 Oct How to Ask for What You Want

Posted at 13:33h in Leadership Development, Podcast by

Karen Laos, Motivational Speaker, Author, Podcast Host, Trainer, and Executive Coach

Karen Laos joins Solveig Brown to discuss how to ask for what you want. Karen shares her empowering strategies for overcoming self-doubt, setting clear intentions, and confidently asking for what you desire. She breaks down her proven four-step process, which is designed to help individuals—especially women—build the confidence to speak up and get what they deserve.

The 4-Step Process to Asking for What You Want

Karen introduces a structured four-step process to help individuals successfully navigate the difficult task of asking for what they want. She emphasizes the importance of preparation and understanding your audience.

Step 1: Face Your Fears

Many people hesitate to ask for what they want because of self-doubt or the fear of being a burden. Karen suggests that the first step is recognizing and tackling those fears head-on.

  • Self-awareness exercises: Reflect on past instances when you’ve helped others. This helps shift the perspective from feeling like an inconvenience to recognizing that people want to help.
  • The Broadway Musical Method: Sing your most common self-doubt (e.g., “I’m not good enough”). This playful strategy reduces the emotional weight of the fear and rewires your brain.

Step 2: Get Clear on What You Want

Karen advises listeners to take time to get specific about what they want.

  • Reflect on what you’ve enjoyed doing throughout different stages of your life.
  • Imagine your life in the next 90 days or think of a scenario where money isn’t a concern to uncover deeper motivations.
  • Explore what you don’t want to narrow down.

Step 3: Know Your Audience

Before making the ask, Karen stresses the importance of researching and understanding what matters most to the person you’re asking:

  • Focus on how your request aligns with their goals or needs.
  • Position yourself as a problem-solver, framing your request as a win-win.

Step 4: Make the Ask

The final step is asking directly and with confidence:

  • Be clear and direct: Avoid passive language like “What does this mean for me?” Instead, confidently state, “I want a promotion.”
  • Prepare for objections: If the answer is “no,” ask follow-up questions like, “What concerns do you have?” This shows you’re open to feedback and willing to work towards a solution.

Overcoming Self-Doubt

Karen shared two exercises that can help combat self-doubt:

  1. The Five and Five Method: Ask five people in your life for five positive qualities they see in you. This helps shift focus to your strengths.
  2. Fear Script Exercise: Write down your strongest doubts and then respond to them as your most confident self.

 

Practical Advice for Making an Ask

Here are some helpful tips and phrases Karen recommends:

Phrase examples:

  • “I noticed [specific issue] and believe I can help solve it by [solution].”
  • “Here’s how I added value last year, and I see an opportunity to contribute further by [specific action].”
  • Salary negotiation tip: Always ask, “Can we get closer to [desired amount]?” rather than locking yourself into a lower number.

Recommended Resources

Conclusion

Karen’s four-step process provides a practical framework for how to ask for what you want with confidence. By facing your fears, gaining clarity, understanding your audience, and making a direct ask, you set yourself up for success. Whether in personal or professional life, mastering the art of the ask can transform your relationships and opportunities.

About Karen Laos

Karen Laos is a keynote speaker and leadership coach dedicated to empowering women to stand out with confidence and own their value. With nearly three decades of experience, she works with female leaders and teams to foster trust and drive high performance. Karen has coached executives at major companies such as Facebook, Google, Netflix, Microsoft, and Fidelity. Formerly the HR Director at Gensler Architecture and Senior Advisor at Decker Communications, she has also trained teams at Gap Inc., Wells Fargo, and more.

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